[ix]
JUST BEFORE WE BEGIN

At one time (but I have changed my mind now) I thought I was going to write a little Note at the top of each of these poems, in the manner of Mr. William Wordsworth, who liked to tell his readers where he was staying, and which of his friends he was walking with, and what he was thinking about, when the idea of writing his poem came to him. You will find some lines about a swan here, if you get as far as that, and I should have explained to you in the Note that Christopher Robin, who feeds this swan in the mornings, has given him the name of “Pooh.” This is a very fine name for a swan, because, if you call him and he doesn’t come (which is a thing swans are good at), then you can pretend that you were just saying “Pooh!” to show how little you wanted him. Well, I should have told you that there are six cows who come down to Pooh’s lake every afternoon to drink, and of course they say “Moo” as they come. So I thought to myself one fine day, walking with my friend Christopher Robin, “Moo rhymes with Pooh! Surely there is a bit of poetry to be got out of that?” Well, then, I began to think about the swan on his lake; and at first I thought how lucky it was that his name was Pooh; and then I didn’t think about that any more ... and the poem came quite differently from what I intended ... and all I can say for it now is that, if it hadn’t been for Christopher Robin, I shouldn’t have written it; which, indeed, is all I can say for any of the others. So this is why these verses go about together, because they are all friends of Christopher Robin; and if I left out one because it was not quite like the one before, then I should have to leave out the one before because it was not quite like the next, which would be disappointing for them.

[x]
Then there is another thing. You may wonder sometimes who is supposed to be saying the verses. Is it the Author, that strange but uninteresting person, or is it Christopher Robin, or some other boy or girl, or Nurse, or Hoo? If I had followed Mr. Wordsworth’s plan I could have explained this each time; but, as it is, you will have to decide for yourselves. If you are not quite sure, then it is probably Hoo. I don’t know if you have ever met Hoo, but he is one of those curious children who look four on Monday, and eight on Tuesday, and are really twenty-eight on Saturday, and you never know whether it is the day when he can pronounce his “r’s.” He had a great deal to do with these verses. In fact, you might almost say that this book is entirely the unaided work of Christopher Robin, Hoo, and Mr. Shepard, who drew the pictures. They have said “Thank you” politely to each other several times, and now they say it to you for taking them into your house. “Thank you so much for asking us. We’ve come.”

A. A. M.

[xi]
CONTENTS

* This poem being in the Library of the Queen’s Dolls’ House, is printed here by special permission.

[1]

CORNER-OF-THE-STREET

[2]

BUCKINGHAM PALACE

[4]

HAPPINESS

[5]

THE CHRISTENING

[6]
PUPPY AND I

I met a man as I went walking;

We got talking,

Man and I.

“Where are you going to, Man?” I said

  (I said to the Man as he went by).

“Down to the village, to get some bread.

  Will you come with me?” “No, not I.”

I met a Horse as I went walking;

We got talking,

Horse and I.

“Where are you going to, Horse, to-day?”

  (I said to the Horse as he went by).

“Down to the village to get some hay.

  Will you come with me?” “No, not I.”

[7]
I met a Woman as I went walking;

We got talking,

Woman and I.

“Where are you going to, Woman, so early?”

  (I said to the Woman as she went by).

“Down to the village to get some barley.

  Will you come with me?” “No, not I.”

I met some Rabbits as I went walking;

We got talking,

Rabbits and I.

“Where are you going in your brown fur coats?”

  (I said to the Rabbits as they went by.

“Down to the village to get some oats.

  Will you come with us?” “No, not I.”

[8]
I met a Puppy as I went walking;

We got talking,

Puppy and I.

“Where are you going this nice fine day?”

  (I said to the Puppy as he went by).

“Up in the hills to roll and play.”

  “I’ll come with you, Puppy,” said I.

[9]

TWINKLETOES

[10]

THE FOUR FRIENDS

Ernest was an elephant, a great big fellow,

    Leonard was a lion with a six-foot tail,

George was a goat, and his beard was yellow,

                And James was a very small snail.

Leonard had a stall, and a great big strong one,

    Ernest had a manger, and its walls were thick,

George found a pen, but I think it was the wrong one,

                And James sat down on a brick.

[11]

Ernest started trumpeting, and cracked his manger,

    Leonard started roaring, and shivered his stall,

James gave the huffle of a snail in danger

                And nobody heard him at all.

Ernest started trumpeting and raised such a rumpus

    Leonard started roaring and trying to kick,

James went a journey with the goat’s new compass

                And he reached the end of his brick.

Ernest was an elephant and very well-intentioned,

    Leonard was a lion with a brave new tail,

George was a goat, as I think I have mentioned,

                But James was only a snail.

[12]

LINES AND SQUARES

Whenever I walk in a London street,

I’m ever so careful to watch my feet;

    And I keep in the squares,

    And the masses of bears,

Who wait at the corners all ready to eat

The sillies who tread on the lines of the street,

    Go back to their lairs,

    And I say to them, “Bears,

    Just look how I’m walking in all of the squares!”

[13]

And the little bears growl to each other, “He’s mine,

As soon as he’s silly and steps on a line.”

And some of the bigger bears try to pretend

That they came round the corner to look for a friend;

And they try to pretend that nobody cares

Whether you walk on the lines or squares.

But only the sillies believe their talk;

It’s ever so portant how you walk.

And it’s ever so jolly to call out, “Bears,

Just watch me walking in all the squares!”

[14]

BROWNIE

[15]

INDEPENDENCE

[16]
NURSERY CHAIRS

                One of the chairs is South America,

                    One of the chairs is a ship at sea,

                One is a cage for a great big lion,

                    And one is a chair for Me.

The First Chair.

                When I go up the Amazon,

                I stop at night and fire a gun

                    To call my faithful band.

                And Indians in twos and threes,

                Come silently between the trees,

                    And wait for me to land.

                And if I do not want to play

                With any Indians to-day,

                    I simply wave my hand.

                And then they turn and go away—

                    They always understand.

[17]

The Second Chair.

                I’m a great big lion in my cage,

                    And I often frighten Nanny with a roar.

                            Then I hold her very tight, and

                        Tell her not to be so frightened—

                    And she doesn’t be so frightened any more.

[18]

The Third Chair.

                When I am in my ship, I see

                    The other ships go sailing by.

                A sailor leans and calls to me

                    As his ship goes sailing by.

                Across the sea he leans to me,

                    Above the winds I hear him cry:

                “Is this the way to Round-the-World?”

                    He calls as he goes by.

[19]
The Fourth Chair.

                Whenever I sit in a high chair

                    For breakfast or dinner or tea,

                I try to pretend that it’s my chair,

                    And that I am a baby of three.

                Shall I go off to South America?

                    Shall I put out in my ship to sea?

                Or get in my cage and be lions and tigers?

                    Or—shall I be only Me?

[28]

DAFFODOWNDILLY

[29]

WATER-LILIES

Where the water-lilies go

To and fro,

Rocking in the ripples of the water,

Lazy on a leaf lies the Lake King’s daughter,

And the faint winds shake her.

Who will come and take her?

I will! I will!

Keep still! Keep still!

Sleeping on a leaf lies the Lake King’s daughter . . .

Then the wind comes skipping

To the lilies on the water;

And the kind winds wake her.

Now who will take her?

With a laugh she is slipping

Through the lilies on the water.

Wait! Wait!

Too late, too late!

Only the water-lilies go

To and fro,

Dipping, dipping,

To the ripples of the water.

[30]
DISOBEDIENCE

            James James

            Morrison Morrison

            Weatherby George Dupree

            Took great

            Care of his Mother,

            Though he was only three.

            James James

            Said to his Mother,

            “Mother,” he said, said he;

“You must never go down to the end of the town, if you don’t go down with me.”

            James James

            Morrison’s Mother

            Put on a golden gown,

            James James

            Morrison’s Mother

            Drove to the end of the town.

            James James

            Morrison’s Mother

            Said to herself, said she:

“I can get right down to the end of the town and be back in time for tea.”

[31]
            King John

            Put up a notice,

            “LOST or STOLEN or STRAYED!

            JAMES JAMES

            MORRISON’S MOTHER

            SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN MISLAID.

            LAST SEEN

            WANDERING VAGUELY:

            QUITE OF HER OWN ACCORD,

SHE TRIED TO GET DOWN TO THE END OF THE TOWN—FORTY SHILLINGS REWARD!”

[32]
            James James

            Morrison Morrison

            (Commonly known as Jim)

            Told his

            Other relations

            Not to go blaming him.

            James James

            Said to his Mother,

            “Mother,” he said, said he;

“You must never go down to the end of the town without consulting me.”

[33]
            James James

            Morrison’s mother

            Hasn’t been heard of since.

            King John

            Said he was sorry,

            So did the Queen and Prince.

            King John

            (Somebody told me)

            Said to a man he knew:

“If people go down to the end of the town, well, what can anyone do?”

    (Now then, very softly)

            J.J.

            M. M.

            W. G. Du P.

            Took great

            C/o his M*****

            Though he was only 3.

            J.J.

            Said to his M*****

            “M*****,” he said, said he:

“You-must-never-go-down-to-the-end-of-the-town-if-you-don’t-go-down-with ME!”

[34]

SPRING MORNING

[36]

THE ISLAND

[38]
THE THREE FOXES

Once upon a time there were three little foxes

Who didn’t wear stockings, and they didn’t wear sockses,

But they all had handkerchiefs to blow their noses,

And they kept their handkerchiefs in cardboard boxes.

They lived in the forest in three little houses,

And they didn’t wear coats, and they didn’t wear trousies.

They ran through the woods on their little bare tootsies,

And they played “Touch last” with a family of mouses.

[39]

They didn’t go shopping in the High Street shopses,

But caught what they wanted in the woods and copses.

They all went fishing, and they caught three wormses,

They went out hunting, and they caught three wopses.

[40]

They went to a Fair, and they all won prizes—

Three plum-puddingses and three mince-pieses.

They rode on elephants and swang on swingses,

And hit three coco-nuts at coco-nut shieses.

That’s all that I know of the three little foxes

Who kept their handkerchiefs in cardboard boxes.

They lived in the forest in three little houses,

But they didn’t wear coats and they didn’t wear trousies,

And they didn’t wear stockings and they didn’t wear sockses.

[41]

POLITENESS

[43]
JONATHAN JO

            Jonathan Jo

            Has a mouth like an “O”

And a wheelbarrow full of surprises;

            If you ask for a bat,

            Or for something like that,

He has got it, whatever the size is.

[44]

            If you’re wanting a ball,

            It’s no trouble at all;

Why, the more that you ask for, the merrier—

            Like a hoop and a top,

            And a watch that won’t stop,

And some sweets, and an Aberdeen terrier.

[45]
            Jonathan Jo

            Has a mouth like an “O”

But this is what makes him so funny:

            If you give him a smile,

            Only once in a while,

Then he never expects any money!

[46]

AT THE ZOO

[48]

RICE PUDDING

What is the matter with Mary Jane?

She’s crying with all her might and main,

And she won’t eat her dinner—rice pudding again—

What is the matter with Mary Jane?

[49]

What is the matter with Mary Jane?

I’ve promised her dolls and a daisy-chain,

And a book about animals—all in vain—

What is the matter with Mary Jane?

[50]

What is the matter with Mary Jane?

She’s perfectly well, and she hasn’t a pain;

But, look at her, now she’s beginning again!—

What is the matter with Mary Jane?

[51]
What is the matter with Mary Jane?

I’ve promised her sweets and a ride in the train,

And I’ve begged her to stop for a bit and explain—

What is the matter with Mary Jane?

What is the matter with Mary Jane?

She’s perfectly well and she hasn’t a pain,

And it’s lovely rice pudding for dinner again!—

What is the matter with Mary Jane?

[52]

MISSING

Has anybody seen my mouse?

I opened his box for half a minute,

Just to make sure he was really in it,

And while I was looking, he jumped outside!

I tried to catch him, I tried, I tried. . . .

I think he’s somewhere about the house.

Has anyone seen my mouse?

[53]

Uncle John, have you seen my mouse?

Just a small sort of mouse, a dear little brown one,

He came from the country, he wasn’t a town one,

So he’ll feel all lonely in a London street;

Why, what could he possibly find to eat?

[54]

He must be somewhere. I’ll ask Aunt Rose:

Have you seen a mouse with a woffelly nose?

Oh, somewhere about—

He’s just got out. . . .

Hasn’t anybody seen my mouse?

[55]
THE KING’S BREAKFAST

                The King asked

                The Queen, and

                The Queen asked

                The Dairymaid:

                “Could we have some butter for

                The Royal slice of bread?”

                The Queen asked

                The Dairymaid,

                The Dairymaid

                Said, “Certainly,

                I’ll go and tell

                The cow

                Now

                Before she goes to bed.”

[56]
                The Dairymaid

                She curtsied,

                And went and told

                The Alderney:

                “Don’t forget the butter for

                The Royal slice of bread.”

                The Alderney

                Said sleepily:

                “You’d better tell

                His Majesty

                That many people nowadays

                Like marmalade

                Instead.”

[57]
                The Dairymaid

                Said, “Fancy!”

                And went to

                Her Majesty

                She curtsied to the Queen, and

                She turned a little red:

                “Excuse me,

                Your Majesty,

                For taking of

                The liberty,

                But marmalade is tasty, if

                It’s very

                Thickly

                Spread.”

                The Queen said

                “Oh!”

                And went to

                His Majesty:

                “Talking of the butter for

                The Royal slice of bread,

                Many people

                Think that

                Marmalade

                Is nicer.

                Would you like to try a little

                Marmalade

                Instead?”

[58]
                The King said,

                “Bother!”

                And then he said,

                “Oh, deary me!”

                The King sobbed, “Oh, deary me!”

                And went back to bed.

                “Nobody,”

                He whimpered,

                “Could call me

                A fussy man;

                I only want

                A little bit

                Of butter for

                My bread!”

                The Queen said,

                “There, there!”

                And went to

                The Dairymaid.

                The Dairymaid

                Said, “There, there!”

                And went to the shed.

                The cow said,

                “There, there!

                I didn’t really

                Mean it;

                Here’s milk for his porringer

                And butter for his bread.”

[59]
                The Queen took

                The butter

                And brought it to

                His Majesty;

                The King said,

                “Butter, eh?”

                And bounced out of bed.

                “Nobody,” he said,

                As he kissed her

                Tenderly,

                “Nobody,” he said,

                As he slid down

                The banisters,

                “Nobody,

                My darling,

                Could call me

                A fussy man—

                BUT

“I do like a little bit of butter to my bread!”

[60]
HOPPITY

[62]

AT HOME

[63]

THE WRONG HOUSE

I went into a house, and it wasn’t a house,

    It has big steps and a great big hall;

But it hasn’t got a garden,

                    A garden,

                    A garden,

    It isn’t like a house at all.

I went into a house, and it wasn’t a house,

    It has a big garden and great high wall;

But it hasn’t got a may-tree,

                    A may-tree,

                    A may-tree,

    It isn’t like a house at all.

[64]
I went into a house and it wasn’t a house—

    Slow white petals from the may-tree fall;

But it hasn’t got a blackbird,

                    A blackbird,

                    A blackbird,

    It isn’t like a house at all.

I went into a house, and I thought it was a house,

    I could hear from the may-tree the blackbird call. . . .

But nobody listened to it,

                    Nobody

                    Liked it,

    Nobody wanted it at all.

[65]

SUMMER AFTERNOON

[66]

THE DORMOUSE AND THE DOCTOR

There once was a Dormouse who lived in a bed

Of delphiniums (blue) and geraniums (red),

And all the day long he’d a wonderful view

Of geraniums (red) and delphiniums (blue).

A Doctor came hurrying round, and he said:

“Tut-tut, I am sorry to find you in bed.

Just say ‘Ninety-nine,’ while I look at your chest. . . .

Don’t you find that chrysanthemums answer the best?”

[67]

The Dormouse looked round at the view and replied

(When he’d said “Ninety-nine”) that he’d tried and he’d tried,

And much the most answering things that he knew

Were geraniums (red) and delphiniums (blue).

The Doctor stood frowning and shaking his head,

And he took up his shiny silk hat as he said:

“What the patient requires is a change,” and he went

To see some chrysanthemum people in Kent.

The Dormouse lay there, and he gazed at the view

Of geraniums (red) and delphiniums (blue),

And he knew there was nothing he wanted instead

Of delphiniums (blue) and geraniums (red).

[68]

The Doctor came back and, to show what he meant,

He had brought some chrysanthemum cuttings from Kent.

“Now these,” he remarked, “give a much better view

Than geraniums (red) and delphiniums (blue).”

They took out their spades and they dug up the bed

Of delphiniums (blue) and geraniums (red),

And they planted chrysanthemums (yellow and white).

“And now,” said the Doctor, “we’ll soon have you right.”

The Dormouse looked out, and he said with a sigh:

“I suppose all these people know better than I.

It was silly, perhaps, but I did like the view

Of geraniums (red) and delphiniums (blue).”

The Doctor came round and examined his chest,

And ordered him Nourishment, Tonics, and Rest,

“How very effective,” he said, as he shook

The thermometer, “all these chrysanthemums look!”

[69]
The Dormouse turned over to shut out the sight

Of the endless chrysanthemums (yellow and white).

“How lovely,” he thought, “to be back in a bed

Of delphiniums (blue) and geraniums (red).”

The Doctor said, “Tut! It’s another attack!”

And ordered him Milk and Massage-of-the-back,

And Freedom-from-worry and Drives-in-a-car,

And murmured, “How sweet your chrysanthemums are!”

The Dormouse lay there with his paws to his eyes,

And imagined himself such a pleasant surprise:

“I’ll pretend the chrysanthemums turn to a bed

Of delphiniums (blue) and geraniums (red)!”

[70]

The Doctor next morning was rubbing his hands,

And saying, “There’s nobody quite understands

These cases as I do! The cure has begun!

How fresh the chrysanthemums look in the sun!”

The Dormouse lay happy, his eyes were so tight

He could see no chrysanthemums, yellow or white,

And all that he felt at the back of his head

Were delphiniums (blue) and geraniums (red).

And that is the reason (Aunt Emily said)

If a Dormouse gets in a chrysanthemum bed,

You will find (so Aunt Emily says) that he lies

Fast asleep on his front with his paws to his eyes.

[71]

SHOES AND STOCKINGS

There’s a cavern in the mountain where the old men meet

(Hammer, hammer, hammer . . .

Hammer, hammer, hammer . . .)

They make gold slippers for my lady’s feet

(Hammer, hammer, hammer . . .

Hammer, hammer, hammer . . .)

My lady is marrying her own true knight,

White her gown, and her veil is white,

But she must have slippers on her dainty feet.

Hammer, hammer hammer . . .

Hammer.

There’s a cottage by the river where the old wives meet

(Chatter, chatter, chatter . . .

Chatter, chatter, chatter . . .)

[72]
They weave gold stockings for my lady’s feet

(Chatter, chatter, chatter . . .

Chatter, chatter, chatter . . .)

My lady is going to her own true man,

Youth to youth, since the world began,

But she must have stockings on her dainty feet.

Chatter, chatter, chatter . . .

Chatter.

[73]

SAND-BETWEEN-THE-TOES

[75]

KNIGHTS AND LADIES

There is in my old picture-book

A page at which I like to look,

Where knights and squires come riding down

The cobbles of some steep old town,

And ladies from beneath the eaves

Flutter their bravest handkerchiefs,

Or, smiling proudly, toss down gages . . .

But that was in the Middle Ages.

It wouldn’t happen now; but still,

Whenever I look up the hill

Where, dark against the green and blue,

The firs come marching, two by two,

I wonder if perhaps I might

See suddenly a shining knight

Winding his way from blue to green—

Exactly as it would have been

Those many, many years ago. . . .

Perhaps I might. You never know.

[76]
LITTLE BO-PEEP AND LITTLE BOY-BLUE

[77]
“What are you going to do,

                    Little Bo-Peep?

What are you going to do,

                    Bo-Peep?”

“Little Boy Blue, you’ll see

They’ll all come home to tea.”

“They wouldn’t do that for me,

                    Little Bo-Peep.”

“What are you going to do,

                    Little Boy Blue?

What are you going to do,

                    Boy Blue?”

“Little Bo-Peep, I’ll blow

My horn for an hour or so.”

“Isn’t that rather slow,

                    Little Boy Blue?”

[78]
“Whom are you going to marry,

                    Little Bo-Peep?

Whom are you going to marry,

                    Bo-Peep?”

“Little Boy Blue, Boy Blue,

I’d like to marry you.”

“I think I should like it too,

                    Little Bo-Peep.”

“Where are we going to live,

                    Little Boy Blue?

Where are we going to live,

                    Boy Blue?”

“Little Bo-Peep, Bo-Peep,

Up in the hills with the sheep.”

“And you’ll love your little Bo-Peep,

                    Little Boy Blue?”

“I’ll love you for ever and ever,

                    Little Bo-Peep.

I’ll love you for ever and ever,

                    Bo-Peep.”

“Little Boy Blue, my dear,

Keep near, keep very near.”

“I shall be always here,

                    Little Bo-Peep.”

[79]

THE MIRROR

[81]
HALFWAY DOWN

[82]

THE INVADERS

[83]

BEFORE TEA

[85]
TEDDY BEAR

A bear, however hard he tries,

Grows tubby without exercise.

Our Teddy Bear is short and fat

Which is not to be wondered at;

He gets what exercise he can

By falling off the ottoman,

But generally seems to lack

The energy to clamber back.

Now tubbiness is just the thing

Which gets a fellow wondering;

And Teddy worried lots about

The fact that he was rather stout.

He thought: “If only I were thin!

But how does anyone begin?”

He thought: “It really isn’t fair

To grudge me exercise and air.”

[86]
For many weeks he pressed in vain

His nose against the window-pane,

And envied those who walked about

Reducing their unwanted stout.

None of the people he could see

“Is quite” (he said) “as fat as me!”

Then, with a still more moving sigh,

“I mean” (he said) “as fat as I!”

Now Teddy, as was only right,

Slept in the ottoman at night,

And with him crowded in as well

More animals than I can tell;

Not only these, but books and things,

Such as a kind relation brings—

Old tales of “Once upon a time,”

And history retold in rhyme.

[87]
One night it happened that he took

A peep at an old picture-book,

Wherein he came across by chance

The picture of a King of France

(A stoutish man) and, down below,

These words: “King Louis So and So,

Nicknamed ‘The Handsome!’” There he sat,

And (think of it!) the man was fat!

Our bear rejoiced like anything

To read about this famous King,

Nicknamed “The Handsome.” There he sat,

And certainly the man was fat.

Nicknamed “The Handsome.” Not a doubt

The man was definitely stout.

Why then, a bear (for all his tub)

Might yet be named “The Handsome Cub!”

[88]
“Might yet be named.” Or did he mean

That years ago he “might have been”?

For now he felt a slight misgiving:

“Is Louis So and So still living?

Fashions in beauty have a way

Of altering from day to day.

Is ‘Handsome Louis’ with us yet?

Unfortunately I forget.”

Next morning (nose to window-pane)

The doubt occurred to him again.

One question hammered in his head:

“Is he alive or is he dead?”

Thus, nose to pane, he pondered; but

The lattice window, loosely shut,

Swung open. With one startled “Oh!”

Our Teddy disappeared below.

[89]
There happened to be passing by

A plump man with a twinkling eye,

Who, seeing Teddy in the street,

Raised him politely to his feet,

And murmured kindly in his ear

Soft words of comfort and of cheer:

“Well, well!” “Allow me!” “Not at all.”

“Tut-tut! A very nasty fall.”

Our Teddy answered not a word;

It’s doubtful if he even heard.

Our bear could only look and look:

The stout man in the picture-book!

That “handsome” King—could this be he,

This man of adiposity?

“Impossible,” he thought. “But still,

No harm in asking. Yes I will!”

[90]
“Are you,” he said, “by any chance

His Majesty the King of France?”

The other answered, “I am that,”

Bowed stiffly, and removed his hat;

Then said, “Excuse me,” with an air,

“But is it Mr. Edward Bear?”

And Teddy, bending very low,

Replied politely, “Even so!”

They stood beneath the window there,

The King and Mr. Edward Bear,

And, handsome, if a trifle fat,

Talked carelessly of this and that . . .

Then said His Majesty, “Well, well,

I must get on,” and rang the bell.

“Your bear, I think,” he smiled. “Good-day!”

And turned, and went upon his way.

[91]
A bear, however hard he tries,

Grows tubby without exercise.

Our Teddy Bear is short and fat,

Which is not to be wondered at.

But do you think it worries him

To know that he is far from slim?

No, just the other way about—

He’s proud of being short and stout.

[92]
BAD SIR BRIAN BOTANY

Sir Brian had a battleaxe with great big knobs on;

    He went among the villagers and blipped them on the head.

On Wednesday and on Saturday, but mostly on the latter day,

    He called at all the cottages, and this is what he said:

                    “I am Sir Brian!” (ting-ling)

                        “I am Sir Brian!” (rat-tat)

                    “I am Sir Brian, as bold as a lion—

                        Take that!—and that!—and that!”

Sir Brian had a pair of boots with great big spurs on,

    A fighting pair of which he was particularly fond.

On Tuesday and on Friday, just to make the street look tidy,

    He’d collect the passing villagers and kick them in the pond.

                    “I am Sir Brian!” (sper-lash)

                        “I am Sir Brian!” (sper-losh!)

                    “I am Sir Brian, as bold as a lion—

                        Is anyone else for a wash?”

[93]

Sir Brian woke one morning, and he couldn’t find his battle­axe;

    He walked into the village in his second pair of boots.

He had gone a hundred paces, when the street was full of faces,

    And the villagers were round him with ironical salutes.

                    “You are Sir Brian? Indeed!

                        You are Sir Brian? Dear, dear!

                    You are Sir Brian, as bold as a lion?

                        Delighted to meet you here!”

Sir Brian went a journey, and he found a lot of duckweed;

    They pulled him out and dried him, and they blipped him on the head.

They took him by the breeches, and they hurled him into ditches,

    And they pushed him under waterfalls, and this is what they said:

[94]

                    “You are Sir Brian—don’t laugh,

                        You are Sir Brian—don’t cry;

                    You are Sir Brian, as bold as a lion—

                        Sir Brian, the lion, good-bye!”

Sir Brian struggled home again, and chopped up his battle­axe,

    Sir Brian took his fighting boots, and threw them in the fire.

He is quite a different person now he hasn’t got his spurs on,

    And he goes about the village as B. Botany, Esquire.

                    “I am Sir Brian? Oh, no!

                        I am Sir Brian? Who’s he?

                    I haven’t got any title, I’m Botany—

                        Plain Mr. Botany (B).”

[95]

IN THE FASHION

[96]

THE ALCHEMIST

¹ So as not to go to sleep.

[97]

 
GROWING UP

[98]

IF I WERE KING

[99]

VESPERS

Transcriber’s Note

The table of contents is reproduced as in the original, with The Wrong House out of order.

The last line of the first stanza of Bad Sir Brian Botany has been indented for consistency with subsequent stanzas.